| Lawdidawdee- We Likes To Pawdee. |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
Here I am!
This is my down time for the day... an hour to eat and pretend like life isn't crazy. Reorganize, regenerate, refocus, reenergize. Down time is KEY or else I'd always hate school. I don't hate school. I LIKE IT. A LOT. SUE ME.
I like my new home. Correction: I love my new home. I look forward to being in it. Too bad my old home hardly let us settle in before harrassing us. Too bad people are using Alana as my middle man too. FUCK IT IF YOU'RE SCARED OF ME, I DON'T CARE- DIRECT CONTACT IS ALSO KEY. People are just dumb. I'm not a scary person, I'm just reasonable.
There isn't a flavour of jelly bean I don't enjoy.
D'you ever notice that when you're eating jelly beans sometimes you pull out a colour and you're sorta dissapointed? Sometimes I'm like "Aww... yellow again." I still like the yellows though. I don't discriminate.
I thought I'd be good to go by Wednesday, but turns out my Thursday's filling up. Will this ever end? I know I'll be super happy when I can sleep in again.
My Studio prof said he'd like to go hiking with me. I think you had to be there for the context, but if you knew him, you'd understand I guess.
HEY! I also got two industrial piercings like three weeks ago (maybe a month ago?), for the record. The piercer yelled at me for doing both at the same time but I shrugged him off. I'm a fast healer anyway.
I'm feeling more relaxed already. Gotta go hang and focus some lights then set up a set now! ALL STUFF I ENJOY! Just hard to appreciate through half-opened eyes.
Peace out world, and let me know when its time to reintegrate myself. |
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| OK! |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|10:58 pm] |
Sooo... I have the best friends in the world, both near AND FAR. You guys always make it right.
I would like to remind everyone that my hair is wavy.
Here, I sit, waiting for Banana so we can take apart her desk. Then I will sleep, wakeup, and move out of this hell hole. Yes, it is a hell hole-- for me.
I've actually decided that its the Feng Shui of the house that is off. If you read up on it, everything about the chi in this house is wrong. It really is, take my word for it. I'm big on this Feng Shui shit for absolutely no good reason.
I'm back on top of my game though- I just have to pull this week together like a pro! Hard work WILL pay off, and nobody will be let down.
It gets hard when two people who are each others' rocks need the other to be their rock at the same time. So, lets lean on each other, back to back.
Things have to be bad sometimes, and that bites. But sometimes, you grow feet back. I'M A BALL OF CHEESE!!!
Oooook.... SUMMER SOON!
I LOVE EVERYONE. |
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| Here I Am... I Am Here! |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|10:41 am] |
Nothing feels substantial and nothing feels stable.
I am scared/anxious/emotional/stressed and I feel like I'm everything to everyone. That last part is obviously purely my own fault.
Its not that I want somebody to ask- its that I want somebody to want to ask.
I'm not sure what I stand for, or who I stand for, or where I'm standing. I'm just pretty sure I'm only standing on one foot. Someone has so conveniently taken the other one out from under me. I need it back.
I guess I'm just confused. Maybe lonely.
I make such a point of knowing myself- I hate the days when I'm lost.
I'll just keep sleeping it off.
SORRY FOR THE DOWNER JOURNAL. I just don't know where to vent my frustrations right now. |
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| Ummm... |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|02:14 pm] |
I... have a livejournal?
Seems that I'd forgotten.
Not enough time to write in it really, but maybe I'll get back into that habit.
Life's just a big bucket of change. Not the spending kind: the evolving kind.
Three more weeks and things'll calm down.
My latest debate is as follows:
I'm wondering if its better not to know what could have been; or is it better to have a taste of what could have been, even though you can't have more.
Meh. |
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| HIS PENIS IS A RUNWAY. |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Notre Dame the Paris | ] |
I have a lip-biting problem. Its cause they're so fuckin chapped all the time, and even Lobello Moist does shit all for me... Sometimes that stuff from Lush works, but also some times it cakes like cum on my lips. Not attractive. Oh my God, I'm fucking hemoraging from my lip. DOCTOOOOOOOOOR!
The cut on my knuckle looks like a candy cane. The burn on my forehead is very 'battered wife' but I prefer 'insanely violent bar brawl.' Once again, DOCTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!
I'm waiting for Alana to finish a page of writing so that we can order food. I'm also waiting for her to finish the ultimate TWO pages so that we can go out and get some good, old fashioned chocolate loving. Hey, if I meant that in the 'big black guy sex' way, then I woulda flat out said so... so minds outta the gutter, people.
I have a weird feeling this is going to be a weird week. I keep having weird, realistic dreams, to the point where I'm waking myself up to figure out whether or not something just happened. I have to finish pulling together my Christmas presents... and I have all this time to, but the MOTIVATION. Where did it GO?
Sometimes, I can't believe my own actions. Its unfortunate when I choose to intentionally hurt, since- well, I didn't think I'd ever do it. There are some things that people should never have to hear, and I don't wish them upon myself- so how is it fair for me to say them? How is it justified that I should crash the image of the dillusional? Its not for me to do, and its not right.
At the same time though, it built. It took a long time to build, and it came out. It was going to eventually. I don't feel right appoligizing, but I do feel a hanging guilt. I wish I could say this all wasn't my choice, but I'm not sure I'd want to go back in time either.
I don't know which is better: then or now. I guess we'll see.
Thanx for putting up with my cryptics; they're a guilty pleasure. |
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| Ahahahaaaa... |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|05:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sulky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Try- NELLY FURTADO? | ] |
So, apparently I'm a not-so-closet Nelly Furtado fan...
Its sort of ridiculous cause I'm always like 'She's alright...' then I hear a song and I'm like 'Oh my God! Who SINGS that??' and all of a sudden its Nelly Furtado... I don't understand. Her new stuff is just so GOOD.
Here I am in Ottawa. Waiting for dinner- the only fucking reason I'm here. I have the same old complaints. My mother blah blah blah. Big Ben isn't coming to dinner, but unfortunately neither is Tina- she was in a car accident, but she's alright. Either way, I was hoping she'd come.
I hate how in Ottawa, I'm always overdressed.
I also hate it here. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to be here.
I'm staying for a good part of tomorrow though- dad and I are gonna go talk to Fido about their shit service.
My mother thinks I'm a musical prodigy. She caught me listening to a discman and playing what I heard back, on the piano. She FLIPPED. I was scared... she's sort of like an over-excited rodent when she flips. Now she thinks I'm wasting talent... apparently she doesn't understand that I'm IN SCHOOL FOR ARTS.
I'm gonna have to make phone calls tonight... I'm missing people pretty hardcore... people who actually care. Hopefully, I won't drink too much wine first.
I need a little attention: Somebody love me. |
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| Exam in T Minus 16 Hours? |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|12:10 am] |
This is me procrastinating the following:
1) Cleaning... Boo cleaning.
2) Studying... Boo studying.
3) Packing... This, I kind of enjoy, but boo anyway- I don't feel like doing it right now.
Going home for a Hannukah dinner of latkes. For anyone who isn't cultural- that sentence seems almost like another language.
Sara is playing Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby and David Bowie, which she downloaded just for me. Sara, you're the best. That's my favourite Christmas song EVER.
I wrapped just about all my Christmas gifts this afternoon and felt real good about it. Not sure how I'm getting it all home though- the process will start tomorrow, I assume.
I'm going to write an exam tomorrow that I'm not sure I'll pass... then I'm going to come home, cause I'll likely have missed my bus to Ottawa. Then, I'll take the midnight bus, and scare the shit out of my parents. My boyfriend's not coming with me. I really wanted him to, but right now his health is most important-- I sound like a ridiculous mother, but SERIOUSLY- who wants to be sick during the holidays? And more seriously, who wants to spend time with MY family?
Umm there are weird boys here. I will update. |
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| I Hate Tuesdays |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|07:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The fan blowing away my hair dye smell... | ] |
So, not only is livejournal great for when you're waiting for phonecalls, but also for while you're sitting around with dye in your hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, I just took the term 'brown-noser' to a whole new extreme. Yes, that's right- there is dye on the tip of my nose.
I got dye everywhere else too, but that's what's expected when you dye by yourself... also when the mirror in your bathroom is a PIECE OF SHIT- I don't know how the ladies upstairs cope.
I'm dyeing by myself. How very morbid of me.
While yesterday was a most perfect day- today was rather depressing. Not just cause I wake up with a TUESDAYS SUCK mindframe either, but because everything actually DOES go wrong. Hopefully I'm not tempting fate with my hair...
Plus, they rained my snow away.
You know, I'm the one who always says that when you want it, you probably won't get it. Its when you least expect it that it comes along... and that doesn't just apply to guys, either- though so often that is the context. Anyway- time to take my own advice. Sit back, relax. The time will come, and it'll be great.
For now, I need to stop MESSING THINGS UP. That has so quickly become my forté. Fuck forté's. FUCK THE WORLD.
A little angry and a little bitter today. Tomorrow, however, is Wednesday, and Wednesday's make me smile. |
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| Dum, dum, DUM! |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|11:07 pm] |
Apparently, updating livejournal is the only cool thing to do while you're upstairs waiting for phone calls.
Umm, present company excluded?
Did you know that they actually put the term BLOG in the new edition of the dictionary? Like... to blog. Kinda like how McJob and Viagra are already in there.
Its funny that we call McDonald's McDick's... And you get McJob's at McDick's... is anyone else catching that?
Gotta love literacy.
Yay for HOCKEY! I love HOCKEY! I wanna watch MORE!
I'm not going to any more school for a month. I will only write my exams. This is FANTASTIC.
First, I plan to sleep forever.
Major future plans at present time: NONE.
I wanna give a shout out to READING....
I also want to brush my teeth. |
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| 1 DAY! 1 DAY TILL DECEMBER 1ST!! |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|10:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CBC NEWS. Boooo... | ] |
Hiiiii...
What an insane week, eh? A lot has happened, and there is just as much to anticipate...
Shout out to Alana, whom I love always and forever. MISS YOU.
I'm in class, as the usual Tuesday unfolds. I have my last exam before the 'exam period' tomorrow. Then I have two more real exams. LOOKITME!
The Phoenix was cool- it was nice seeing Ottawa crew... Faye might even drive down for our Christmas party on the 18th! ON THE 18TH PEOPLE! COME TO THE PARTY!!! Then she might drive me home to Ottawa the next day. Which would be killer if it actually happens, but hey- this is me not getting my hopes up.
I had two headrushes this morning and realized how long its been since I've had a head rush. That's a good thing since I used to have them daily- I'm going to thank multi-vitamins for that... and I'm gonna start eating better again.
My boyfriend met Jimmy Fallon.
I'm drinking every second day. I might be getting a little excessive... nothing to worry too much about, just taking a lot of edge off. Lately, there's just so much edge.
Sometimes, you have to come to terms with the fact that people grow apart and become incompatible. Sometimes, you just can't be friends with someone, and that's ok. Its a lot easier than watching them fuck around with your good friends if they're your mere acquaintance. Hey- not saying I enjoy watching them fuck around with my good friends- I've tried to make that stop. With all my might. In the end, its not my choice- I can only be there to fall back on.
Switching my phone plan ASAP so I can actually take calls.
I want to go wander- I hate being held up in a class where I'm DOING NOTHING. Sara, you skipping LOSER. I'm bored without you.
I have a lot of emotion right now, but none of its typable... that's a lot more frustrating than I thought it would be.
Obla Dee, Obla Da. |
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| 3 More Days... |
[Nov. 27th, 2004|06:09 pm] |
Its funny when your independence isn't so independent anymore.
Or maybe its that you develop a weaker side that conflicts with every independent bone in your body- and suddenly you're giving in.
What is that?
Well, sometimes there's no need for an ANSWER, persay. Take new feelings and run with them.
My independence will never falter... it'll just take a little break in some areas and stay its strong self in others.
Tonight, I will take my friend Faye and her friend out dancing. EDGE LIVE FROM THE PHOENIX dancing, which I haven't done in at least a year.
Last week of school next week- means a month of holidays.
Suddenly, a happiness befalls me and I wonder if things could possibly get better than this. Not that it matters. Lookitme smiling.
HAHAAAAA- I'm such a sap.
Hey people? Quit being simple. All of you. I hate it. If you're gonna be simple, don't talk to me. Your simplicity is wasted on my hungry brain. |
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| Tuesdays: Official LiveJournal Update Days |
[Nov. 23rd, 2004|07:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breakfast Television | ] |
HEY-
LOOKITME TYPING A LIVEJOURNAL ON MY OWN COMPUTER!
Pretty cool, eh? Bet you wish you were me...
Haven't even left for class yet... I'm a producer this morning- yay super power trips always.
Two weeks left of school, and I'm FLYING HIGH.
Apparently, my boyfriend is rubbing elbows with ex-SNL writers who want him to look over movie scripts? Oh, and they happen to be Jimmy Falon's BEST FRIEND.
EX-SNL WRITER: "Hey, you wanna come to a movie party tonight? Jimmy Falon will be there..."
HIM: "Naw... I'm going to a house party."
Luckiest girl in the world: ME. I also got to go out with the ex-SNL writer for drinks. Cool guy, that's for sure!
Oh, and I'm boycotting MySpace officially. Don't ask why, I just feel like being an asshole that way.
I can't complain right now- things are manageable as far as I'm concerned.
Gentle reminder: Write to Santa people (SANTA THE 680 NEWS PLUGGING SELL OUT). |
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| Broadcast Journalism... or FUN TIME. |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|10:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Sweet Sounds of Mike Farrell in My Ear... NOT. | ] |
Him: "Why do you look so nice?"
Me: "Umm... cause today I have to go out in public."
YAY FOR WEDNESDAYS BECOMING OFFICIAL DRINKING NIGHT.
Life's good... even though its Tuesday, and I'm sitting here in boring Broadcast Journalism cause I don't have a job on the panel today... cause I'm hosting. And that won't be for another hour. I should be reading through the stories, but we're all well aware that I'm a 'winger' extraordinaire.
I think I'm ontop of my school work. I'm not sure though. Updates will confirm.
DADS BRINGING MY COMPUTER THURSDAY! And also a new toilet tank?
Its ridiculous how happy Christmas shopping makes me.
Dad: "You just... like to make people happy." AWWWWWW.
I don't have much else to say...
I had one day of being uncomfotable... one day of breakdown... one day truly needed... and now I'm back on my game.
BRING ON THE WORLD! |
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| Please, One More Pill. |
[Nov. 5th, 2004|01:35 pm] |
I feel... reborn? Only desciption of myself for the day- and I'm talking solely in disjointed thoughts.
This week's going to be school HELL- but I'm looking forward to testing my stress-strength. Why doubt myself, I guess.
At the same time, I'm procrastinating a lot.
Meh.
I CAN'T GET AN EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT AND ITS FRUSTRATING ME TO THE MAX.
I might be getting sick- starting echinacea today, just in case.
GOT MY ROOMIES HOOKED ON MULTI-VITAMINS! I'm telling you, they're the way to GO. They make me drink less coffee.
I've gotta stop swalling pills without liquid.
Excited to take Sara's MUDDA out! Love thai food- love Front street. Haven't been to the Spring Rolls down there yet.
ALANA I MISS YOU. So much to talk about... Hope everything's going smooth?
I'm making it official- I'm declaring myself not-single. I've been not-single for a while now, its not like I've had to decide whether or not I wanted to be involved... its just so hard, cause you get so scared that something new's gonna fall through; that you're gonna jynx it. Especially when its something, or someone, you've wanted to be with for so long. There's no falling through now- now there's attachment. Now I just have to play my cards right.
I even told my folks. Go figure, eh?
C'est tout.
Sometimes, life makes you wanna jig. |
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| LOOKITME! |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|07:56 pm] |
Ok, so its super funny how I'll type things out, then they seem to clear up...
My mood has skyrocketed- that's what happens when issues get resolved.
Not bad for a Tuesday.
I bought a new coat- and for a fuzzy black thing it looks HOT. Its evident I will be wearing it daily.
Gonna go see Brian play an open mic set tomorrow! With NOAH! And some other random character whose name I have not been told... I have a test the next morning, but I don't care. I will get loaded anyway.
Quote of the week-
MY MOTHER: "Yes! Contraception is GOOD!"
Things are lookin' up.
Here's to you, kid. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|05:03 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Goldfrapp- I LOVE ALANAS ITUNES. | ] |
I just typed out the angriest entry ever, and I refuse to post it.
I'm surprised at how angry I've been the last couple days, and I think its sad since I hate being angry. Frustration is natural- but anger's too heated for me. It makes my stomach churn. Make it go away.
I'm just sick of people. I'm sick of MEAN people. I haven't done anything... and I feel like such a baby typing that.
Too much rejection, too many hits over the period of one week. Can't handle it. Waiting patiently; willing it to pass.
And it will pass, I know that. The emotions will anyway- but there are some things you just can't change. I've realized that, just haven't accepted it yet. That's the next step, I'm getting there.
FUCKIN SHIT I HATE NO MORE EEEGH.
Hey, but all this anger looms- and yet my smile still shines through. Go figure. |
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| Boo Boo Bee Doo |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|02:40 pm] |
Hmmm...
So, you can only say the wrong thing so many times. I have to stop saying the wrong things. I'm a bundle of confusion when I least want to be, and its starting to frustrate me hardcore. I take that back- it has ALWAYS frustrated me hardcore.
I also cannot hold a conversation with my mother anymore. It hurts just to try.
My party WAS AMAZING- thanx to all who made it out, and I'm giving a shout out to my consistent party mediators: You guys are the SHIT.
I have tons of great socks.
I don't know what else to say... I just can't wait to get out of my rut and stop worrying about things. I'm trying to make a point NOT to worry, but somehow its a lot harder than I thought. I think when this week's done, thing'll be good again.
I'm still smiling a lot though- that's been good. Really good.
PS- Banana, I love you. |
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| "WHACK OFF- don't smoke.... down with inhalation, up with masturbation!" |
[Oct. 19th, 2004|04:35 pm] |
Any sport's a good sport when there's no hockey.
This is me, sitting around. Waiting for something to happen.
Look at me go.
Oh my God! Something almost happened, then NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL!
It was kinda cool that something almost happened though.
I wish more things would almost happen.
Tra la la la la. |
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| Funny How Life Works, Eh? |
[Oct. 16th, 2004|12:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | GONNA LISTEN TO CRABUKKIT!!!! | ] |
October's the month of curve balls, and my grip hasn't loosened yet.
I've decided that the best way to live is to take life as it comes to ya. I think I've always sort of done that, but lately its been doing me a lot of good. I've overcome a lot so far this month, a lot of anxiety- it feels good.
To reitterate- Why dwell? Seriously? Why?
Things will happen. Things will be bad. Things will also be good- a point everyone seems to be missing.
Maybe its my sick sense of humor, but I think its fun that we live life to an extreme- that bad shit happens, and that we get through it. Together. That's the key people. We are all still growing. Don't take hits- grow off them.
I'm the cheesiest piece of shit ever.
I just quit my job. I don't know what the impact of that will truly be, but I'll probably pick up some work again come January. I think I need time to focus on other creative outlets. CHEEEEESE.
One more week and I'm legal. (Seriously, I don't get it either.)
Here's to Rose. Hey baby- "Let guys get first year out of their system." You only deserve the best (You can marry me, its legal now.)
This is me vouching. Look at me smiling. |
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| WHO CHANGED THE NUMBER TO 96? AND-- WHY?? |
[Oct. 9th, 2004|06:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Weezer- Hit Me Baby One More Time | ] |
With fall comes change, and I adore it.
Everything's on the up- I'm worried that there will be a down, but for once I'm not focused on my worries. Things happen. Enjoy what you have now.
I feel complication in the air- and I don't mind. With fall comes strength.
I haven't smiled this much in- well, in too long a time to not have been smiling this much.
Indescribable, wish I could let you in on it. Sorry- this key's all mine. But knock, and I'll let you play.
Happy Thanksgiving- let me leave you with a cheesy little grace of my own.
Thanx for all the good in our lives,
And the endless support throughout the bad.
May the future bring success in the name of those who've passed,
And may each passing day bring new learning and restored love.
Amen to the Pilgrims and Cheers to All! |
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frymeistah's journal